


The Biggest Turkey (A Friendsgiving Story)

by deadlegato



Series: Snake Eyes and Sinners [2]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:55:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27453853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadlegato/pseuds/deadlegato
Summary: After hearing about the mortal tradition of Friendsgiving, Charlie decides to throw a potluck party for the denizens of the hotel. The battle for the Queen of Mario Kart is just heating up when Cherri's "special brownies" accidentally make it onto the desert table, and things get interesting.
Relationships: Arackniss/Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel), Charlie Magne/Vaggie
Series: Snake Eyes and Sinners [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2004868
Comments: 8
Kudos: 42





	The Biggest Turkey (A Friendsgiving Story)

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of the Snake Eyes and Sinners series, but anything you need to know from other works in that series will be explained.

Angel Dust opened the front door of the hotel for Cherri, helping her carry in the containers in her hands. “Thanks for coming. If I have to sit through this boring party the princess is throwing, at least having you around will make it more interesting.”

“I said I would, didn’t I? What… was this party about again?”

“It’s like… Thanksgiving, but for friends, I guess? Princess heard about this mortal thing called Friendsgiving and she got all excited about it.”

“That explains the potluck aspect. Just a warning, everything I brought is SUPER spicy. Well, except the special brownies for later. You’d better put those away before anyone notices the smell and jumps up our butts about it.”

“Yeah, yeah, just a second!” he shouted at the person knocking loudly on the door. He opened the door again with one hand while he held the brownies in another. “A… Arackniss??” he asked in surprise. “I didn’t invite you!”

“I know you didn’t. He did,” Arackniss said, pointing behind Angel.

Pentious was practically flying down the stairs, wearing a ridiculously oversized ugly Krampus day sweater. “Niiiiiiiiss, you came!”

“PPPPPFFFFT, where’d you get such an ugly sweater, Edgelord?” Cherri asked. “Those haven’t been in even ironic style for years.”

“I gave it to him,” Arackniss grunted. “Two years ago. He’s insisted on wearing it every Krampus season since.”

“Two years? How long have you two been paling around without me knowing it?” Angel asked, absent-mindedly setting the brownies down on the edge of a planter so he could put all his hands on his hips as he critically stared down his brother.

“We’re not paling around, we’re business associates. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you to get your mind outta the gutter.”

“Who gives a business associate a holiday sweater?”

Arackniss ignored his brother and turned his attention to Pentious. “Sorry I haven’t been able to catch that guy who’s trying to kill you yet. He really lives up to the Ghost name.”

“It’s… not… soooooooo bad being stuck at the hotel. I’ve managed to find lots of things that need fixing to fill my time.”

“That’s true. We’ve never had all of the elevators and all of the ice machines working at once before snake got bored enough to do something about it,” Husk grunted from behind the bar.

“When Pent invited me, I almost said no, but… you know dad ain’t big on holidays, and I thought maybe we could stop fighting long enough to feel like old times. What do you say?”

“Yeah, old times. When dad beat the shit out of us and I was still in the closet,” Angel huffed, turning heel and leaving. After a moment of awkward silence, the others followed him into the lobby. 

“Ooooh, someone left their potluck tray in the entrance. I’ll put it with the other deserts,” Niffty said, carrying the special brownies away.

.

“You gonna deep throat the turkey, Edgelord?”

“You and that stupid viral video you posted! Do you know how many perverted DMs I have to delete every day because of it?” the snake hissed. “I can’t help it that I’m a snake and I eat like a snake!”

A short, blueish angler fish of a demon entered the room, looking for the world like he was having as much fun as he would have being dragged naked over iron-hot nails. “Baxter,” the snake hissed. “Where’s your friend? Or did you not have any to invite?”

“PENTIOUS,” Vaggie snapped.

“… What’s going on?” Arackniss asked.

“Pentious and Baxter have a weird feud going on because one’s an inventor and one’s a chemist, so they’re constantly in a science dick-measuring contest. Also, Pentious is a shit and does things like put food he knows Baxter likes on the highest shelves,” Angel explained.

.

Just a few days ago, Niffty had tugged on Pentious’ sleeve while he was working on fixing the dishwasher in anticipation of their upcoming party. “Some of the stuff I need is on the high shelves. Can I get an elevator?” she asked, her one eye bright.

“Anything for you, my darling Niffty,” Pentious agreed. If there was one person with class in this entire damned hotel, it was her. Maybe the princess as well, but the princess’ girlfriend constantly scowling at him took a few points off her overall score. He extended the edge of his tail. “Up you go,” he said, as she stepped onto it and he lifted her so she could reach what she needed.

“Thanks!” she said, skittering off with her bowls.

Baxter, who had been trying to get something off a high shelf as well, frowned. “Hey, tall snake, if you’re busy being tall can you reach the box of cupcakes?”

“Why… certainly!” Pentious said. He reached up, picked up the box, and removed a cupcake… and then tossed it into his mouth and gave Baxter a smug grin while he swallowed it before slithering off to return to working on the dishwasher.

“Fine, I didn’t want your Salmonella hands on my food anyway!” he grunted as he had to go get a step ladder. When he did, he discovered Pentious had eaten the last one and left the empty box.

.

“He doesn’t even GO here!” Baxter cried in frustration. “He’s only here because the princess feels bad that his psycho ex has an angelic weapon and is trying to kill him.”

“I’m sorry, you’re going to have to speak up. You’re too short for me to hear,” Pentious responded, flicking his tongue rudely. Arackniss frowned, as Baxter wasn’t really thaaaaat much shorter than he was.

“Although to be fair to both sides, Baxter is a shit too, but because he’s short he can only do things like put pills in Pentious’ tea that caused his scales to turn turquoise and magenta for an hour. That shit was funny,” Angel added.

“It is not funny,” Vaggie groaned. “Babysitting when it was just you was enough work. I don’t enjoy trying to keep the kindergarteners in line too. Not to mention that we now have FOUR pets running around the building making a mess of everything!”

“They’re not pets!” Pentious complained, referring to his eggs.

“Are we waiting for any more guests?” Baxter asked, trying to ignore Pentious.

“No, everyone is here for now. The cannibals are having a celebration today as well so Alastor ended up double-booked. He said he’d come by later.” As good as Alastor’s cooking was, they were kind of glad he wouldn’t be participating in the potluck part, as his meat sources were always a little… suspect. “We’ll have to wait for him to start the party games or the teams won’t be even,” Charlie explained.

The guest list thus consisted of the following: Charlie and Vaggie, of course. Niffty and Husk joined, with Husk filling the roll of the drunk uncle. There was Angel and Cherri, Baxter, Pentious and Arackniss. There was also a ‘pets’ table set up, where they’d put out food for Fat Nuggets and three remaining Egg Bois. Despite the fact that it was supposedly a potluck, with the short guest list, most of the food had actually been catered in courtesy of Charlie’s parent’s bank account.

“Okay, everyone! We should follow the human tradition and say something we’re thankful before we start eating!” Charlie said brightly, clapping her hands. “I’m thankful for all of you giving me the opportunity to run this hotel,” she started.

“I’m thankful for you,” Vaggie said sweetly to Charlie, sharing a short cheek nuzzle.

“I’m thankful that I’m drunk,” Husk grunted.

“I’m thankful for the dishwasher! Look at what a mess this is going to be!” Niffty said, eyeing the table with her one large eye.

“I’m thankful for blowing shit up,” Cherri grinned.

“I’m thankful for drugs,” Angel Dust smirked.

“ANGEL!” Vaggie growled, as he very much knew that wasn’t supposed to be one of his options.

“Okay, fiiiine, I’m thankful for Fat Nuggets. Who’s daddy’s best boy, who is it? Is it you?” he asked the pig, who already had its face full of food. The pets weren’t waiting to start eating.

“I… suppose I’m thankful to the princess for letting me stay here temporarily,” Pentious said slowly, uncertain.

“I wasn’t expecting an interrogation. I didn’t have time to think up anything I’m thankful for,” Arackniss frowned.

“That’s all right, just say whatever comes to your mind first.”

“I’m… thankful for… P… P… PIE!” he said quickly, a slight amount of sweat on his brow. “I love pie.”

“... Were you going to say you love PENIS?!” Angel giggled.

“What?! NO! I just love pie!”

“... Okay, bro, if that’s your kink, I ain’t gonna judge.”

“Now you listen here...” the smaller spider hissed, pointing a finger at his brother.

“AHEM, Baxter hasn’t had a turn to talk yet. Ah... no pressure though,” Charlie encouraged.

“I’m thankful that Pentious has to move out eventually,” he said, and a moment later, his chair crashed backwards and he ended up lying flat on the ground.

“Oh, terribly sorry, my tail accidentally hit your chair!” the snake said sweetly, making an ‘oooops’ gesture with one finger against his mouth.

“Could we stop acting like TODDLERS for ONE MEAL?” Vaggie demanded.

“It could be worse, we could be talking politics and religion,” Husk shrugged.

“As bad as Hell’s politics are, I’d rather be dealing with them than mortal world politics right now. That place is currently a mess!” Baxter agreed. “Almost makes me glad to be dead.”

“When ISN'T the mortal world a mess?” Pentious shrugged in agreement. He was struggling somewhat trying to eat with silverware when he was used to eating like a snake, but he didn’t want to accidentally make another viral video for Cherri to post. The fact was that large overhanging fangs weren’t conducive to eating like a human.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Husk suddenly screamed, dumping his entire glass of water down his throat at once. About half of it ended up on his face. “What the hell is in these meatballs, Cherri?” he panted, sweating, his face flushed red. His nose was running and eyes watering.

“Ghost peppers, Carolina reapers, 80 percent ground beef...”

“Why isn’t it burning anyone else?” he cried, grabbing the entire pitcher of water off the middle of the table.

“Only mammals can taste capsaicin,” Baxter informed him helpfully. “I would guess Miss Cherri Bomb is used to the flavor.”

“Why isn’t it bothering Charlie?” he howled, running back to the kitchen to grab an entire jug of milk.

“Princess of Hell would be used to heat, I would guess,” Baxter shrugged.

“And what in the nine circles is that, coagulated blood?” Arackniss asked, pointing at a gelled red mound on a plate.

“It’s cranberry sauce, served exactly like it just came out of the can! It’s apparently a mortal tradition!” Charlie explained brightly.

…

“Who wants to break out the MARIO KART!?” Cherri shouted once the eating had concluded and the crowd had migrated to the lobby. “Un-de-feated champion here.”

A cold breeze suddenly ran through the room, causing the lights to flicker as the sound of a thunderclap filled the air. Cherri turned around to see Vaggie had been highlighted by a single spotlight that had appeared out of nowhere. She was glaring straight at Cherri. “Get ready to lose to the REAL undefeated champion,” she growled.

“Yaaaay, I want to play first round with you!” Charlie volunteered, not feeling the looks that could kill passing between the two one-eyed women.

“I’m in too,” Angel Dust said, picking up the last controller.

“You’re going the wrong way again,” Niffty pointed out to Charlie. It was really kind of... sad, watching her try to trundle along just having a good time with three other players who were out for blood.

“Don’t you dare use that blue shell when I’m in the lead!” Cherri shouted angrily at Angel.

“Hey, no working together! It’s every player for themselves!”

“It’s not my fault your girlfriend sucks at this game,” Cherri snorted.

“Yeah, I actually feel kinda bad for her,” Angel nodded.

“You’re not supposed to hit the bananas,” Niffty tried to direct Charlie.

“But bananas are good for your health! They have potassium!” Charlie replied in frustration.

“But Vags is right. Every demon for themselves!” Angel grinned as he pressed the button to release the blue shell.

“I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!” she screamed as her character flipped through the air.

“WHY AM I A GIANT BULLET?” Charlie cried, completely confused.

“.... Best two out of three,” Cherri growled at Vaggie.

“Bring it,” she snarled back.

“But swap Angel and Charlie out for Husk and Niffty. No more friends... helping... each other,” Cherri said darkly, glaring at Angel, who simply shrugged back at her.

“Friends don’t let friends drive drunk,” Husk grunted, having to set his drink down long enough to say it. He was still trying to numb the taste of Cherri’s meatballs in his mouth.

“Guess you’re up, Baxter,” Cherri said, tossing the last controller into his hands. His face said he wished someone would just kill him right then.

.

“FIVE OUT OF SEVEN, BITCH! BOW TO THE QUEEN!” Vaggie screamed at a furious Cherri. Baxter and Charlie looked terrified. Niffty didn’t seem to have any idea what was going on.

“SEVEN OUT OF NINE!” she screamed back.

“Why don’t we play a different game?” a nervous Charlie suggested. “Something less competitive please?”

“Oh, I have an idea,” Angel Dust said, raising a hand. “Let’s play… that game where you draw things and the other players have to guess what you’re drawing. I’m forgetting the name.”

“Did you mean Pictionary, or Telestrations?” Alastor asked, surprising them with his sudden arrival.

“Hey, great, now that everyone is here, we can do me and the girls against everyone else. Team Clam Bake versus Team Sausage Fest!” Angel declared.

“… We are not being Team Clam Bake,” Vaggie snarled.

“Team Fish Taco then, if that suits you better.”

“Why are you like this?”

“Where are Pent and Husker? We need them both for the teams to work,” Angel said, looking around.

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” they heard Husk scream, and they all ran to the bar.

There, they found a very wide-eyed Pentious completely wrapped around Husk and rubbing his cheek on Husk’s face “I love little pussy, his coat is so warm,” the snake said delightedly. “I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him.”

“What the heck is wrong with him?” Cherri asked. “Wait, hang on, I have to take a picture and post this on r/tightpussy.”

Angel suddenly had an uncomfortable thought. He ran to where he’d left the brownies and found them displaced. He checked the desert table next and discovered the tray had been at least half consumed. He hadn’t noticed anyone else eating them, so that had to mean…

Angel came walking back, blank-faced. “Pentious got into the special brownies. He told me once they make him… affectionate.”

“… How many of them did he get into?”

“Well, half the tray is gone, and since no one else is admitting to eating any…”

“The… SPECIAL brownies?” Vaggie responded. “You brought POT brownies into the hotel? And not only that, to our potluck!?”

“They were supposed to be for me and Cherri for a private after party. And come on, who doesn’t bring pot to a POT-luck?”

“That really doesn’t make it better!”

“Please help, I can’t breathe,” Husk whimpered in a voice like a deflating balloon.

“Anybody got a crowbar?” Arackniss asked.

.

“Why don’t fast food places sell spaghetti? I need noodles. Wait. I aaaaam a noodle.” This realization seemed to be blowing his mind. Even his hat looked stoned.

“How much longer is he going to be like this?” Vaggie asked.

“Until the high wears off,” Arackniss sighed.

“Danger noodle,” Pentious said, pulling his sweater over the lower half of his face and giving them a suspicious look.

“Man, now we can’t play Pictionary because the teams won’t be even, since baked potato over there is in no shape to play,” Angel sighed.

“… If we gave Fat Nuggets a brownie too, would he be baked ham?” Pentious asked. Suddenly, he started to sniffle.

“What’s wrong now?!” Husk asked.

“… Fat Nuggets is just such a GOOD BOY,” the snake sniffled. “Such a good boy.”

“… Seriously though, you gonna cry?” Husk asked Pentious.

“Yes,” the snake answered.

“And when you cry, do ALL of your eyes cry?”

“Yes.”

“… Niffty, get the mop,” Husk sighed.

“I’ve got a game suggestion! I brought cards against demons,” Cherri said, running to the hall to retrieve it from her backpack.

“Cards against demons?”

“It’s based on a card game mortals play. Even someone who is completely blitzed can play it.”

.

“Are there any NON-offensive cards in this game?” Vaggie asked in annoyance.

“Nope! That’s the point of the game!”

“And how the hell are Alastor, Angel, and Pentious all tied for the most black cards when Pentious doesn’t even know what he’s playing?”

“That is quite vexing,” Alastor agreed. He had anticipated an easy win.

Only Charlie, not really getting that the point of the game was to be awful, had yet to score any black cards. This was despite Vaggie trying hard to figure out what card Charlie had played and pick it during her turns as the judge.

The game eventually ended with a surprised upset win by Husk, who immediately declared the prize was opening another bottle of booze.

“It’s getting late,” Niffty yawned. “I’m getting sleepy.”

“I really should put Nuggs to bed,” Angel agreed. Cherri was planning to crash on the floor of his room so that she wouldn’t have to worry about transportation home late at night.

“What are we going to do about him?” Husk asked, referring to Pentious, who had already passed out. “He’s HEAVY.”

“That’s not a problem. I can easily lift him,” Arackniss said, picking Pentious up over his shoulder. “Spider strength,” he explained to the amazed onlookers. 

.

Arackniss was glad that Pentious had fixed the elevators, because while he COULD carry the snake, it wasn’t the easiest thing to do in the world. Especially when his tail flopped everywhere and Arackniss had to keep trying to avoid stepping on it.

He put Hat on the mannequin head it slept on and made sure the Egg Bois were safely tucked away in their basket in the closet. Yes, Pentious did keep all his eggs in one basket, but… as he only had three left, that really wasn’t a big deal.

As he adjusted the sleepy snake in bed, he let out a long breath. “You must be disappointed in me.”

“Why would that be?” Pentious yawned, and Arackniss jumped.

“I didn’t know you were awake.” Arackniss rubbed his arm and looked away as he sat down on the bed. “I mean… I talked all that shop about how I was finally going to tell my brother about… us… and I couldn’t even say that I was thankful for you when I tried.”

He felt a hand tightening over his. “I’m not disappointed. I understand. We come from a different time.”

Arackniss sighed heavily, eyes partially closed. “I don’t know how to deal with that. If you got angry, yelled at me, raised a fist and threw things, I’d know what to do. But you…”

“Stay tonight?” the snake pleaded.

“Are you sober enough to know that you’re propositioning me?”

“I’m sober enough to know I’m not wearing anything besides this sweater.”

Arackniss snorted. “I thought you weren’t allowed to sin in this hotel.” He said that, but he leaned in, causing the spider to flush with the cutest red color across his face as their mouths met, the snake’s hands gently cradling the spider’s head. He’d… tell his brother… eventually.

**Author's Note:**

> r/tightpussy is a real subreddit dedicated to cats in tight places. FYI.


End file.
